ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
