1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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