i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
