a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
