chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize