The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
