I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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