dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
