Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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