Don't make out with my wife yet
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
