You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
