u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
