You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
