we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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