This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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