Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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