I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize