I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
