Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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