the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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