Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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