you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
