The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
