Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
