Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
