We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize