Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
