Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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