if i can run in heels then i can drive
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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