bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
