That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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