If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Less talking, more tequila
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
