Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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