There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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