I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
