we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
