i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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