did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
