I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
