the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
