The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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