so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
