Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
