my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
