I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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