Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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