Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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