That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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