That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is classic penis vs brain.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
