he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
it's like heaven, but drunker
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
