I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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