Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize