I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
