Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
