Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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