I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
