At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
zippers are such a cool invention
can u get pink eye on your cock?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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