I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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