and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
