so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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