3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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