Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
