wakey wakey hands off snakey
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
