I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
