That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize