Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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