dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They have beer where we have blood.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
