We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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