You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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