Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
