WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize