you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
