You just made me feel so damn special
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
