whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
