i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
