both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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