My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
one two three fourrrrnication!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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