My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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