They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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