Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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