This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
