We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
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