is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize