Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
