If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
