saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm bleeding and have questions
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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