I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
