More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
