my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
