I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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