the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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