I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize