I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
