I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Success! We fucked roommates!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
