Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
