youre lurking in front of me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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