My cat gives me a boner
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
