I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
