He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
