I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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