Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
